- pinch my first finger of one hand in a drawer
- stub my toe on a trash can
- bump my head on a pipe
- trip over the cat
- pinch the thumb of the other hand in a cabinet
- bash my shin on a table
- had a cat fall on me from above
This last one was particularly clever and it occurred as a result of the cat's tendency to sit on the top of the bedroom door. Since my bedroom is very small, in order to get past the corner of the bed and through the doorway, the door must be all the way open. Not knowing she was quietly perched up there observing the wreck and ruin of my morning, I yanked the door open quickly, causing her to lose her balance and - you guessed it - fall on my head. This would be funnier and far less pathetic if it was the first time that's ever happened. But it's not.
All this, in just the first hour. (Because, I am nothing if not efficient.) An hour, mind you, when I did not even leave my home. I actually did nothing more than fix my usual morning coffee, feed the cat, make the bed, and put away clean laundry. Scary, eh?
The fact that the only other living critter inside my home has been drawn into my vortex of disaster is what really has me concerned. I think the other cat outside and my neighbors are still okay, but it's probably safer if they keep their distance. I'm sure you will be happy to hear that as a public service I will not be getting on any airplanes, trains, busses, or any other form of mass transportation today. (You're welcome.)
I have also decided not to get behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. My original day plan involved yet another exciting trip over the hill with a load of stuff for the dump, but in light of recent events, I've revised my plans. Yesterday I noticed that one of my tires had gone very squishy and I elected to just refill it and keep an eye on it over the weekend. After all, I don't drive much, and even if the tire does need to be replaced, there was no harm in waiting til next week, right? Based on how my day has transpired thus far, I strongly suspect that instead of just quietly deflating, that tire will wait and choose to go 'splodey in a loud and most inconvenient moment and send me careening off the road and down into the canyon. (Wanna bet? I think I'll pass.)
Now, I'm not sure what I might have done, karmically or otherwise, that would cause the Powers That Be to have shat upon my Saturday. But I am wise enough not to fight it. Struggling will simply cause more injury and probably increase the likelihood of collateral damage. (The cat is hiding under the bed now.) I have socks in progress that are all done but for the final toe grafting. However, something in the wind tells me this is not a good day to be doing kitchener stitch. I want to start another knitting project for a friend, it's very simple so I think it should be safe. (She says moments before sitting on the metal dpn. Dammit!)
I would also like to walk downtown, purchase a few small items, and check my mail. Do we think I can do that without, I don't know, tumbling down the stairs or something? Of course, before I can do any of that, I do have to get up off the couch and get dressed. A task that today, is obviously fraught with peril. Wish me luck, 'cause I think I'm gonna need it. (And band-aids, I'm gonna need those too.)