Saturday, September 29, 2007

The F word

To the girl in the upstairs apartment:

Yes, thank you - the whole neighborhood now knows that your man (and I use that term loosely) is a liar, cheater, and general all-around loser. Fact is, we all kind of knew that about him before you did - after all this town is about 1 square mile - and if you had bothered to check for local references on that particular fish, we'd have told you to throw it back. No shame in catch and release, but god forbid you take something home and find out it's just stinking up your kitchen and is no good at all.

Personally - I think that carrying around that much anger on a regular basis must be absolutely exhausting. So perhaps it helps you to vent it occasionally. And I don't know if you are a smoker - but I certainly have to be impressed at your lung capacity and the sheer volume you are able to produce.

But I'd really appreciate it if you could consider a bit more creativity in your expression. I mean, essentially everything is about the F word. "F you, F-ing loser, get the F away from me, F-ing liar, shut the F up, F-ing cheater, get the F out"....hasn't the F word just about been done to death at this point? Would you consider trying something new?

Foreign languages are always in good taste (with the exception of Spanish, as that is not truly a "foreign" language here) and I think you will find that a few minutes on the internet or a brief visit to the library is all that you will need to get you started. How about genitalia euphemisms? Practically a classic and still there's a wealth of popular material there. And let's not forget anatomically impossible acts - those are where you can really find the opportunity for inspiration.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, and please feel free to contact me if you need assistance in obtaining moving boxes.


kelp lover said...

I enjoyed this post, especially since I'm a poor knitter. I salute the fruits of your needles' efforts, but isn't relationship drama so "ef"fen (forgive me) entertaining? A common tale...dream catch turns into a seaweed-filled boot...then back into a dream catch ready for the next troller's "turn"...then back to seaweed-filled boot, accumulating more seaweed all the time. A fun ride on a rocky sea...

Kath said...

Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

I agree, relationship drama (other than your own) can become quite entertaining stories. But my oh my I cannot help but wish for a better author. One with perhaps more imagination!

And thanks for knitting comment also - it's encouraging!

KnittingBlueContent said...

Hahahaaaa! I love your imaginary conversation with the Eff Shouter, LOL.

Apartment living has its ups & downs, doesn't it?