Wednesday, December 17, 2008

So I had this wacky idea today

Now I don't know if this is wacky like "oh how funny I'd totally try that if I were you" or wacky like "oh my god, apparently she's gone off her meds". But perhaps you can tell me.

See I was cleaning the kitchen floor today...never mind why, I just was - okay?  And no, there will not be any photos of my squeaky clean kitchen floor because quite frankly, there is already enough ugliness out there on the internet and I don't believe I should contribute more.  Suffice to say that in its youth I suspect that the flooring coordinated nicely with the Harvest Gold stove that also exists in my kitchen.  Knowing that, you can probably guess the approximate installation date of the flooring, or at least to the decade. At this point, what little pattern remains is limited to the edges and corners of the room, along with the no man's land under the refrigerator and aforementioned stove, because - and I shit you not - the pattern is actually completely worn off in the "high traffic area". 

Anyway, due to its advanced age and general decrepitness the only way to clean this floor is the old fashioned way, with a scrub brush.  Mopping does nothing, it just pushed water back and forth across all the pits and crevices, resettling the dirt in new places. So scrubbing is the only way to go. Mind you, cleaning that kitchen floor is not something I do very often because it's not particularly rewarding since it doesn't actually look any different or any better when it's clean.  I just know in my head that it IS clean, and that has to be sufficient.

So there I was today, down on my hands and knees, scrubbing away at the floor with a curious kitty peering around the corner, and I noticed that the scrub brush I was using is a sort of elongated oval, about the same general size as the pair of slippers I had left sitting nearby. And then I thought - well, what if I had two of these scrub brushes? (Do you see what's coming next?) Because I have two feet. And then well...what if I attached a couple of scrub brushes to the bottom of an old pair of slippers or sneakers, put on some loud music, and just sorta got my groove on?

So is that a completely freaky idea?  I admit it may not be original, I might have seen it in a movie or read it in a book and maybe it just emerged from my subconscious today.  But could it make cleaning that craptastic floor a little more fun and therefore a more frequent occurrence? Or is it just too ridiculous for words? And it is even do-able?  How would I go about attaching the scrub brushes? All I can think of is big rubber bands or little bungee cords!

Please by all means, tell me if I've completely lost my marbles.  And yeah, if I tried something this wacky I might even be nutty enough to provide photo or video evidence, but no promises! I can think of a couple of people who are close enough to do it and would seriously enjoy it too. That is, assuming the camera can be held steady through the laughing!


Lisa said...

Kath, I say go for it. I'd love to see photo evidence of your lino-innovation.

From your description I'd guess I'm about the same era as your kitchen floor... and one of the Traditional Household Tasks my momma taught me was how to wax the kitchen linoleum. Her wax applier of choice was "sanitary napkins" as they were called.

To this I attribute my unflappable sang froid - if I survived having my 10 year old friends see me on my knees in the kitchen with a Kotex in each hand (see? double-tasking even at that tender age!) nothing in adult life could faze me.

Anonymous said...

You should totally do it! When I was a kid, we had this HUGE wooden floor in our living room. About once a month, when I would get home from school, my mom would have me and my brother stick on a pair of old socks, put waxing stuff on them and we would skate all over the floor! It was awesome!!

(a faithful reader of your blog!)

KnittingBlueContent said...

That's so NOT a wacky idea! Remember, Necessity is the mother of Invention, and I think you just birthed yourself a fabulous idea, LOL.

Plus, think of the great cardio you'd be giving yourself by "getting your groove on" and you'd be giving us, what with the convulsive side-splitting laughter as we watched the video.

I say win-win all the way around on this one!

Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

I thought I was the only one with the Harvest Gold stove? Mine is the Caloric Heritage Series with the electric burner ignition.

I'm also with you on the floor. My whole apartment from the bathroom to the kitchen was done in the same tiles. When my new landlord took over he, at least, changed the bathroom floor to white tiles. I didn't think anything would ever turn these old tiles to a better color after years of scrubbing, but we finally found a product called Spray 9 that brought them back to their original color. I was 'floored.' :)

I think your foot scrubber idea is marvelous. Just watch that you don't slip and hurt yourself. Let me know how it goes. xxoo

Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

Oh, and by 'we' I meant when Sister B and her boyfriend were staying with me for almost a year. He did a lot of repair work, painting, cleaning, and plumbing 'gratis' in my landlord's other buildings so that the increased use of water wouldn't be an inconvenience. xxoo

Cristina said...

*puts engineering hat on*
Will you be able to get enough friction to do proper scrubbing? You need to be able to get enough grip so that you can dig deep, rather than gently slide back. Worst case, one foot on the ground to get enough friction and the other moving will help you, although that was not what you wanted.
*takes off engineering hat*

*puts on internet hat*
Doooo eeeeet! You know you want to! And post pictures! :)
*leaves of internet hat*

Wool Enough said...

Brilliant idea. You'd have your whole body weight over each brush/skate too, ergo far more effective scrubbing. But I think you would need a firmer strap, kinda like the straps on those two-runner ice skates you fasten to the shoes of little kids.

Sheepish Annie said...

You do what you gotta. Cleaning the floors is a drag. If you can make it even remotely fun, then go for it!!!

Mia said...

Oh girl! It's so funny, Iwas feelin' your pain when i first started reading cuz i had just decided yesterday that I was gonna get down on hand and knee and scrub my OWN kitchen floor tomorrow..

but then i read your post.. and either there's something special in your water or you've lost it *grin*

D said...

I would formally like to volunteer to document your attempt. I'll be over on the 29th. What I'd like to know is how we're both gonna fit into your single butt kitchen ;~)

Pat said...

Very inventive. When you've done your floors will you do mine? I have a wooden floor in the kitchen from 1928- I don't know what the stains on it are and I don't want to.

OliveDog said...

You have inadvertently stumbled upon a version of our family secret known as the "broom-mop shuffle"...our version dips a wet broom into the mop bucket, scrubs vigorously, then you sashay side to side with handtowels on your feet to dry to a squeaky clean! Sweaty? Yes. Effective? Completely! For your genius version, there's some help from!